Yes, you read that title correctly. I have been doing laps in my head, endless circles with flawless crossovers. I must admit that at 2 a.m. counting sheep would probably be more effective (because this has certainly not been), but with my roller derby assessments here, the desire of completing 25 laps in 5 minutes is great. I'm also scared that I can't get anywhere close! Yikes!
The pressure of wanting to pass and worrying that I cannot just really sucks. I'm hoping to sneak into the Roller Plex and have my daughter time my laps before my assessment so I go into it knowing my general ability. Nothing would be worse than me crying on the cold concrete rink in the fetal position...when I'm not even injured.
Onto another challenge I hope I'm ready to face... I've decided, after pouring myself into a school improvement mission based on hours and hours of my own research, to go a step further and begin grad school. I could, ideally, complete my master's degree in Ed Leadership in about 2 years. Honestly, the only thing scary about this is the thought of more student loans! (I could be counting those in an attempt to sleep. Suddenly counting laps doesn't seem so bad!)
On another note, I'm realizing that my summer is fading too quickly. I've spent too much time watching Glee and doing logic puzzles, both of which are addicting in their own weird ways. I've been generally lazy. Summers off may be ideal for relishing your ability to relax, but I'm feeling a bit of panic as I have been a little too lazy! Crap! I've got to start doing MORE with my days!
After just one more episode of Glee... Just one more...
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Messy Minds Are Evil Things
I'm a mess. This is not news to most of you, but I thought I would throw it out there as a little tidbit for those of you who don't know. Anyhoo, this messy mind business I've gotten myself into warrants some serious attitude adjustments and changes.
I started with an easy change...my page layout. I'm aware that this doesn't really count as a change, but isn't it nice? In the mood for something lighter and less harsh. I'm not the workout Nazi I used to be. Obviously.
The messy mind business. *sigh* I've had a negative attitude about my work situation which led to stress which led to me reacting in a most frenzied and panicked way about a health issue which led to me almost giving up roller derby which has led me to feel guilt for letting derby sisters down and, ultimately, letting myself down. Breath! Now, all this cause/effect crap has been piling up and growing like bacteria on a shared table in a classroom. Teachers, you know how bad this is!
Time to do some serious mind (and body) cleansing.
1. The room of doom. I've renewed my teaching passion and decided that I am the only one I can control in my work situation. And this crying on the way to work, getting frustrated by 8:20, and then wolfing down a doughnut to "feel better" is not ok. So I've researched and bought numerous books on how to go from high poverty, low success to high poverty but high performance. I'm borderline obsessed now with the goals I'm setting and with the drive to change not just my room but the school. My principal will hate me this next year. Or maybe she will love me because I'm not willing to fall down and stay down. I'm blessed with a meaningful career. I can make something big happen only when I'm willing to make changes.
2. Roller derby. This has been ripping me up for weeks to the point where I just don't think of it so I don't have to deal with it. When I started that journey, I knew it was going to be physically challenging, and I feel that I was rising to the occasion and progressing. The emotional challenge was killer! Lately, the other pressures in my life (like school and health) have gotten me down, and I've been questioning if I fit into this sport. Am I fool to risk injuring myself? My doctors tell me so. Am I just being lazy and need to "remotivate" myself? (Yes, I made that word up. I can do that.) I made a commitment to some fabulous and tough gals who have been so supportive of me. I made a commitment to challenge myself and allow myself to come out of my shell in a new way. I'm screwing that up! My heart hasn't been in it, true. But I have to change that and find my fire again.
3. Food. Oh, lawd. Doesn't it always come back to that? I was looking through old pictures at my mom's this past weekend. Wow. I don't miss those size 18 shirts, those baggy dresses or the chins. Yep, more than one! I look better, and I feel better. But putting back on 10 pounds has not been a blessing. It sucks, quite frankly. My willpower has diminished although the need to change my eating habits and renew my excitement and passion for fitness is strong. Kind of feel like I'm suspended in midair on a teeter-totter. I must get off of this danged thing. Suspension is not balance!
I can't say that spilling this is therapeutic, but I have to own up to this internal drama. How ridiculous is it, really? I know I'm not the only one, and I'm sure those of us who have been there find just one way out: a change in attitude. That's my focus.
I started with an easy change...my page layout. I'm aware that this doesn't really count as a change, but isn't it nice? In the mood for something lighter and less harsh. I'm not the workout Nazi I used to be. Obviously.
The messy mind business. *sigh* I've had a negative attitude about my work situation which led to stress which led to me reacting in a most frenzied and panicked way about a health issue which led to me almost giving up roller derby which has led me to feel guilt for letting derby sisters down and, ultimately, letting myself down. Breath! Now, all this cause/effect crap has been piling up and growing like bacteria on a shared table in a classroom. Teachers, you know how bad this is!
Time to do some serious mind (and body) cleansing.
1. The room of doom. I've renewed my teaching passion and decided that I am the only one I can control in my work situation. And this crying on the way to work, getting frustrated by 8:20, and then wolfing down a doughnut to "feel better" is not ok. So I've researched and bought numerous books on how to go from high poverty, low success to high poverty but high performance. I'm borderline obsessed now with the goals I'm setting and with the drive to change not just my room but the school. My principal will hate me this next year. Or maybe she will love me because I'm not willing to fall down and stay down. I'm blessed with a meaningful career. I can make something big happen only when I'm willing to make changes.
2. Roller derby. This has been ripping me up for weeks to the point where I just don't think of it so I don't have to deal with it. When I started that journey, I knew it was going to be physically challenging, and I feel that I was rising to the occasion and progressing. The emotional challenge was killer! Lately, the other pressures in my life (like school and health) have gotten me down, and I've been questioning if I fit into this sport. Am I fool to risk injuring myself? My doctors tell me so. Am I just being lazy and need to "remotivate" myself? (Yes, I made that word up. I can do that.) I made a commitment to some fabulous and tough gals who have been so supportive of me. I made a commitment to challenge myself and allow myself to come out of my shell in a new way. I'm screwing that up! My heart hasn't been in it, true. But I have to change that and find my fire again.
3. Food. Oh, lawd. Doesn't it always come back to that? I was looking through old pictures at my mom's this past weekend. Wow. I don't miss those size 18 shirts, those baggy dresses or the chins. Yep, more than one! I look better, and I feel better. But putting back on 10 pounds has not been a blessing. It sucks, quite frankly. My willpower has diminished although the need to change my eating habits and renew my excitement and passion for fitness is strong. Kind of feel like I'm suspended in midair on a teeter-totter. I must get off of this danged thing. Suspension is not balance!
I can't say that spilling this is therapeutic, but I have to own up to this internal drama. How ridiculous is it, really? I know I'm not the only one, and I'm sure those of us who have been there find just one way out: a change in attitude. That's my focus.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Bite Me, Thursday!
I have dear friend...Lose It! This little app is such a pal, helping me track the good, bad and ugly. Yesterday was mix of all 3 of these nasty little adjectives. I'll share with you the details. Unfortunately, I can't do a screen shot with my Droid, so you really have to visualize here. And...why does it feel like I'm standing in the middle of a room full of strangers in a swimsuit? Hmmm...
Thursday June 7, 2012 Calorie Budget of 1,551
1,416 (consumed)-147 (burned)= 1,269
Breakfast:
morning sugar free cappucino with half and half (bad)
quaker oats with cinnamon (good)
Snack:
Greek yogurt (good)
Lunch:
1 organic cheese enchilada (good)
handful of baby tomatoes (good)
Snack:
spinach/pineapple smoothie with almond milk and chia seed (good)
Dinner:
2 corn tortillas (bad?)
grilled chicken (good)
bell pepper and onions (good)
cilantro lime light sour cream (not sure)
Snack:
1.5 T natural peanut butter (can be both good and bad)
And...the ugly. Half of a red velvet cupcake. BUT I did just eat half! And boy, did I take my time! I call it "making loving" to my food lol. Kind of a silly joke around the house. When it comes to desserts, which I LOVE, I eat them slowly, savoring each sweet bite. My husband...he does something else with his. Let's just say he can eat a whole cupcake in a minute. ;)
My goals yesterday were to eat smaller portions and spread them out over the day so that I have 3 small snacks and 3 "regular meals." I tried to balance it, but there is a lot of improvement. Below is a picture of the breakdown of nutrition. I record food-related things on a white board that hangs on the pantry door.
In the top pic, you can see what my basic goals were. The grams are off a bit. I'm trying to really figure out what the balance really is. In the bottom pic, I've documented my breakdown. Blue indicates that I was in the range I was aiming for. I put it in red if it was not where I wanted it to be. Obviously, I need less fat and more protein. That's my goal today!
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