Going Splat Only Sounds Cool

Last night was a night of firsts. Some of them I can't wait to repeat (like participating more in mock bouts and learning the game). Some of them I hope I never, ever repeat (such as going splat onto the rink floor that lead to my first concussion which lead to my first CT scan). I knew the night held interesting events for me when I had that rare but crazy mix of emotions that only comes once in a blue moon: fear, excitement, curiosity, doubt, and a touch of panic. Maybe more than a touch...

Anyhoo, I got to actually participate in a jam. To ME, it was participation, as much as I could given my limited abilities. To my teammates, it was probably more like them doing the work while I muttered "sorry" and "what do I do!?" repeatedly. :) I had fun, learned quite a bit, and definitely look forward to the day when I can hold my own.

But...there was this one little thing sucked. I don't really know what happened other than one minute I was skating in my shaky "what the fuck am I doing" state, and the next...BAM!After a sleepless night of nausea and a throbbing headache, I went to the doc who confirmed I had a concussion. I was unable to convince her that I was fine, and I found myself at United Regional for my first CT scan. I haven't heard back so no news is surely good news.

Tomorrow I look forward to less pain (fingers crossed), breakfast with my son, and then pulling my kids out of school early to enjoy a Friday with them before heading to see my parents. We haven't seen them since November and still have our Christmas to enjoy! Yeah, presents in April! Dad wants to go "dancin" in McLean too. Not sure I want to boot-scoot, but I've got my new, purty cowgirl boots ready to show off! Yee-haw! Hope ya'll have a great weekend too!

Little Embers...and Roller Skates

Little embers are all that are left. My fire has waned with the challenges and frustrations of a particularly cruel school year. With only 2 months left til that delicious season known as summer, I feel a spark glowing deep inside. I'm not dead, just worn out...a lot. :)

My sanity has been hanging by a shoestring lately...more specifically, a roller skate lace! I've found the past 6 weeks a time of excitement and self-exploration as I have ventured into the rink of roller derby. Yes, roller derby. I'm sure you are picturing fierce, sassy chics bashing into each other, all spills and thrills wrapped in fishnets with a side of rink rash. Yeah, kinda. 

Today's roller derby is different, less rink wrestling for show and more skill and structure. Or so I've been told. I'm merely "fresh meat" as it were, a newbie to both skates and the fascinating world of Flat Track Roller Derby. I've spent the last month and half dreaming of joining the camaraderie, being a member of a team with a bad-ass name, of rolling into a bout with a confidence that could only belong to my alter ego. 

More than dreaming though, I've struggled with weakness, clumsiness, and the tug-of-war between a fear of pushing myself and a fear of what might happen if I do. Yeah, nothing bad-ass about that. I keep working though, but I know I need to step it up even more. I see where athleticism and intelligence cross when I watch my new friends hit the rink, and it is one hell of an impressive sight. They work hard, and it shows. I need to step my game up if I want to join theirs. 

This week is about pushing away the bitterness and frustration that dampens my spirit at work while pushing myself on the rink in a way keeps my spirit and excitement of becoming a skilled rollergirl burning! :)

Should You Be Eating That?

 *a little dramatic and fictionalized to make a point...no one get your boxers in a bunch*

 With a simple announcement, every bum, large and small, lifts from chairs and makes their way to what never fails to be a buffet of treats...donuts, mini candy bars, muffins, sodas and more. "Ok, people. Let's take a 10 minute break. Get up, walk around, have some of the delicious snacks Mrs. J provided us."

Ahhh, what to do, what to do.

I stand, I stretch, and I think... "I work out almost every day. I eat healthy foods as much as I can. I drink water. I'm losing these last few pounds, and I feel great. Half a donut is not going to break me. I know I can get right back on track and continue on my path to health and fitness."

And so I meander over to the buffet, tearing a donut in half and taking a few mini candy bars to snack on during the presentation. I grab another water bottle and head back to my table... But what is it that I hear from behind me???

"Oh, I can't believe she is going to eat that! After all the work she has done!" I keep moving.
"I'm pretty sure that isn't in her diet plan!" It isn't a diet, but whatever.
"Only half a donut? And water? Guess she is trying to show us up!" Eye rolling at this point, right?
"I knew that this health kick was never going to stick." Oh, what they don't know...

And then there are the comments made to my face... Which are worse? Who can tell?

"So, I see you've given up on that health thing." Noooo.... half a donut is not giving up. It is a calculated choice made amongst many more healthier choices. It isn't the end of the world. It is a fried piece of dough. Big difference.

"You know you are going to have to go back and get that other half." No, I don't know that at all. I know how to stay in control. This is a choice, not a requirement or some uncontrollable urge. Geez.

"You're going to regret eating that when you get on the scale." Really? Like you will regret the 2 donuts on your plate or like you will regret not joining me in trying to get in better health and fitness when I offered to be your accountability buddy?

The commentary could go on and on. And although this exact situation is fictional, I have experienced some of these things in different settings and situations. The point is, people sometimes try to knock you down, make you doubt yourself, weaken you with comments. It happens. If you are trying to get healthier and fit, expect it from someone., maybe even your family members. Maybe it is jealousy. Maybe they are truly concerned for you and this is how they show it. I don't know, but I do know that you have to keep your head up. Words are words. Your actions, your choices, your determination and drive...these things are what will make a difference in YOU at the end of the day. :)