Little Embers...and Roller Skates

Little embers are all that are left. My fire has waned with the challenges and frustrations of a particularly cruel school year. With only 2 months left til that delicious season known as summer, I feel a spark glowing deep inside. I'm not dead, just worn out...a lot. :)

My sanity has been hanging by a shoestring lately...more specifically, a roller skate lace! I've found the past 6 weeks a time of excitement and self-exploration as I have ventured into the rink of roller derby. Yes, roller derby. I'm sure you are picturing fierce, sassy chics bashing into each other, all spills and thrills wrapped in fishnets with a side of rink rash. Yeah, kinda. 

Today's roller derby is different, less rink wrestling for show and more skill and structure. Or so I've been told. I'm merely "fresh meat" as it were, a newbie to both skates and the fascinating world of Flat Track Roller Derby. I've spent the last month and half dreaming of joining the camaraderie, being a member of a team with a bad-ass name, of rolling into a bout with a confidence that could only belong to my alter ego. 

More than dreaming though, I've struggled with weakness, clumsiness, and the tug-of-war between a fear of pushing myself and a fear of what might happen if I do. Yeah, nothing bad-ass about that. I keep working though, but I know I need to step it up even more. I see where athleticism and intelligence cross when I watch my new friends hit the rink, and it is one hell of an impressive sight. They work hard, and it shows. I need to step my game up if I want to join theirs. 

This week is about pushing away the bitterness and frustration that dampens my spirit at work while pushing myself on the rink in a way keeps my spirit and excitement of becoming a skilled rollergirl burning! :)

Should You Be Eating That?

 *a little dramatic and fictionalized to make a point...no one get your boxers in a bunch*

 With a simple announcement, every bum, large and small, lifts from chairs and makes their way to what never fails to be a buffet of treats...donuts, mini candy bars, muffins, sodas and more. "Ok, people. Let's take a 10 minute break. Get up, walk around, have some of the delicious snacks Mrs. J provided us."

Ahhh, what to do, what to do.

I stand, I stretch, and I think... "I work out almost every day. I eat healthy foods as much as I can. I drink water. I'm losing these last few pounds, and I feel great. Half a donut is not going to break me. I know I can get right back on track and continue on my path to health and fitness."

And so I meander over to the buffet, tearing a donut in half and taking a few mini candy bars to snack on during the presentation. I grab another water bottle and head back to my table... But what is it that I hear from behind me???

"Oh, I can't believe she is going to eat that! After all the work she has done!" I keep moving.
"I'm pretty sure that isn't in her diet plan!" It isn't a diet, but whatever.
"Only half a donut? And water? Guess she is trying to show us up!" Eye rolling at this point, right?
"I knew that this health kick was never going to stick." Oh, what they don't know...

And then there are the comments made to my face... Which are worse? Who can tell?

"So, I see you've given up on that health thing." Noooo.... half a donut is not giving up. It is a calculated choice made amongst many more healthier choices. It isn't the end of the world. It is a fried piece of dough. Big difference.

"You know you are going to have to go back and get that other half." No, I don't know that at all. I know how to stay in control. This is a choice, not a requirement or some uncontrollable urge. Geez.

"You're going to regret eating that when you get on the scale." Really? Like you will regret the 2 donuts on your plate or like you will regret not joining me in trying to get in better health and fitness when I offered to be your accountability buddy?

The commentary could go on and on. And although this exact situation is fictional, I have experienced some of these things in different settings and situations. The point is, people sometimes try to knock you down, make you doubt yourself, weaken you with comments. It happens. If you are trying to get healthier and fit, expect it from someone., maybe even your family members. Maybe it is jealousy. Maybe they are truly concerned for you and this is how they show it. I don't know, but I do know that you have to keep your head up. Words are words. Your actions, your choices, your determination and drive...these things are what will make a difference in YOU at the end of the day. :)

Weight is Just a Number

"Weight is just a number." I bet you have heard that before! I have too, and I truly believe it deep down. But knowing this, believing it, and then pushing confidence-killing thoughts out of your head are very different things.


I really use the scale too much. I know this, and I can admit it. I've gotten better. I used to hop on that thing so often, and the numbers rarely made me feel good. My goal is to just weigh myself once a week. I weighed myself earlier this week and was super-psyched to see a 1.5 lb loss. I've been tracking everything I eat, working hard, and I saw those numbers and thought, "Wow, I am on the path to success!"

After starting my new workout routine and doing some serious weight work, my muscles have been just screaming. I don't mind the feeling...it feels like change to me! But the scale...the scale I should have avoided...was the bearer of some bad news. It told me I had gained 2 pounds! I know that I have some water retention. I'm being sensible here, and I recognize that this isn't because I'm not sticking to plan, or because I have truly gained fat.

All the same, those numbers... oh, those dirty, rotten, evil numbers are real crushers! I'm sure I had a look on my face that matched my feelings...a little broken down and frustrated.

Here's the deal. They are numbers. I'm working hard, and I'm sticking to my plan! I feel good! Can I wear those Miss Me jeans I'm dying to wear without muffin top explosion? Not yet...but I'm headed in that direction. How can some numbers ruin that? They can't!!!

If you are reading this, the chances are that you know how I feel! It sucks! Look around you. Look at your "ups" and not your downs. Look at your true value, in the eyes of God or even in the eyes of your kids and family... That value is great. Far greater than some number on a scale. :) Weight is, after all, just a number.